Seeing red

As a professor of journalism, I read a lot of media. And some days, what I read makes me feel downright ashamed of my industry. Today is one of those day, and the triggering story is this one, from the Washington Post.

The piece is written by a young woman who discusses the power of a parent's words to trigger an eating disorder. I have nothing against the writer; it's a heartfelt and I'm sure honest piece of writing. The writer attributes her three-year course of bulimia to a critical comment about her weight from her mother. The piece goes on to list "resources" for parents, presumably to prevent them from doing such things in the future.

I'm not defending this mother's comment. Far from it. I grew up in a family where comments like these were fairly commonplace; I know how hurtful they can be. My problem is with the editors of the Post, who did not do their homework. They accept this premise as if it were 100% true and present no other point of view. There's nothing in the story to contradict the notion that a parent's comment can in fact trigger an eating disorder. There's nothing on the heritability or biological roots of eating disorders, on the neurochemistry of starvation and purging. Readers are left with the sense that a stray comment, especially from a mother (always the mother), can cause the nightmare of an eating disorder.

Had the editors of the Post looked at any of the recent research on eating disorders, they might have been inspired to add another perspective to this young woman's story. Had they stopped to think about it they might have realized that if a parent's words were truly that dangerous, we'd have many more cases of eating disorders to contend with (because God knows parents say hurtful, stupid things all the time, myself included).

The irony is that this piece ran in a package along with an excellent piece written by Carrie Arnold, whose blog Ed-Bites and books are both well-researched and moving. Arnold's piece is informative, but its headline and deck--"Extreme Measures: When Kids' Size Is a Problem, Parents Seek New Solutions"--written by the editors, are misleading, possibly deliberately so. Since when are anorexia and bulimia a problem of a child's size? Hello, do the editors here know anything at all about eating disorders? Do they not care? This kind of thing perpetuates the destructive myths around eating disorders--that they are "about" appearance, that they aren't serious health issues, that they happen only to the children of overinvolved and overcritical parents.

Fact: Eating disorders happen in all kinds of families--rich, poor, white, black, Latino, overinvolved, neglectful, respectful, authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, large, small, functional, dysfunctional.
Fact: Eating disorders are complex and multifactorial. We don't understand their origins. We do understand that blaming parents is both unhelpful and unhealthy--and often untrue.
Fact: The family is almost always a child's best chance at recovery.

The Washington Post's concept of families seems about as outdated--and harmful--as the photo above.

I shouldn't be seeing red right now. I should be used to this. Somehow I never get used to it.

Cupcakes and conversation

If you're anywhere near Syracuse, NY, this Thursday, please stop over at the panel discussion and book signing for Feed Me!. The book includes fabulous essays from some of my favorite writers, including Joyce Maynard (whose poignant memoir about making pie with, and then for, her mother still makes me tear up), Caroline Leavitt (who wrote a haunting piece about men, power, grief, and food), Diana Abu-Jaber (writing about the culture clash between Bedouin and American eating habits), and many others.

We'll hold a panel discussion with Mary Tantillo of the University of Rochester's Eating Disorders Program and Cris Haltom of Ithaca, both of whom speak eloquently about food, eating, and related issues. And yes, there will be cupcakes. I'm not saying they'll live up to the perky frosting on this one, but, you know, a cupcake's as good a reason as any to come out on a chilly night.

If you don't show up, I'll have to eat all the cupcakes myself.

The stigma of mental illness

This piece, from my local paper, is both horrifying and provocative. The writer, Joyce Gramza, tells how her daughter, who has paranoid schizophrenia, was punished--in the hospital, awaiting transfer to a residential facility--because of her illness. It's an upsetting story.

What's even worse, as Gramza goes on to catalogue, is that her daughter's case is not an anomaly. Rather, it reflects a level of proven prejudice among doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals. Even for those who should know better, it seems, the stigma of having a mental illness can diminish the level of care, both physical and psychological.

An old friend of mine had a brother who was schizophrenic. I knew Steven as a talented musician whose dreams of becoming a composer never materialized but who made a life for himself despite his illness. Steven was in his 40s and receiving treatment for colon cancer when he died. The autopsy showed that he had literally no white blood cells left. The chemo that was supposed to help him killed him, because no one had monitored his white cell count.

Might this have happened to a patient who was not schizophrenic? Sure. But it happened to Steven. And he was not alone. The studies Gramza cites demonstrate that this kind of dropping the ball on care happens to a lot of mentally ill patients.

My hope is that more people will advocate for their mentally ill loved ones, whether the issue at hand is a mattress to sleep on or proper bloodwork. In the middle ages, people feared that they could catch mental illness from touching someone who had it. Our attitudes today, sadly, have not evolved very much.

Write a review?

Hey y'all, I'd love to see a couple more customer reviews of Feed Me! up on the Amazon site. (Good ones are preferable, but say what you really think.) Would you consider sending one in for me? It doesn't have to be long or fancy--just whether you liked the book and why.

Thanks. Really.

Join the Rebellyon

Thanks to my friend Erik for sending me a link to this story about musician Amanda Palmer, whose record label, Roadrunner, told her that her stomach looked too fat in a new music video and that they needed to digitally slim it down.

Palmer's response: Love thy belly. Her fans jumped on the belly wagon, creating a "rebellyon" that includes a website where you can upload a photo of your own belly, inscribed with a message to the world.

This story is interesting both for its element of cultural body dissing and for its feminist subtext: Apparently one of the record label execs told Palmer, "I'm a guy. I know what people like."

Yeah, I'm a woman. I don't know what people like. I don't know what my own body looks like. And I sure as hell don't know why I'd ever buy another Roadrunner record. Except, of course, for Palmer's latest.

OT: Help a Syracuse University student

One of my students is looking to interview children of alcoholics for her honors project--especially those under, say, age 25. Anonymity is yours if you want it; she's a sensitive interviewer, as she herself comes from an alcoholic family.

If you'd be willing to talk with her for this project, or know anyone else who might be, please contact Theresa Walsh at tewals01 at syr.edu.

I thank you.

EMAIL ADDRESS HAS BEEN CORRECTED.

Revolutionizing the runway

Last Sunday I was lucky enough to be able to take both my daughters to what was billed as a "revolutionary fashion show" put on by Ophelia's Place here in Syracuse. While I'm not in general a fan of fashion shows, this really wasn't about fashion. It was about sending men, women, and children of all shapes and sizes down the runway with confidence. It was about redefining beauty to include many types of bodies and attitudes. It was about celebrating an aspect of the human condition that too often gives us cause for anxiety, obsession, and despair.

My favorite part of the event was the slide show at the beginning that encouraged the audience to stop the fat talk, stop body bashing. You know--the reflexive corporeal self-loathing we all (especially women) get into and express uncontrollably--to ourselves and to the world.

I love this message. Let's just stop--just say no. If you can't say something nice about your body, don't say anything at all. And don't be saying anything about other people's bodies. Because we are more than our bodies. We are powerful, strong, funny, loving, creative, inspiring, and beautiful.

I'm signing up for next year's show. Anyone want to join me?

* The terrible photo at the top of this post was taken by my laptop. I'm holding one of the purple chocolate butterflies that were given out at the event. It was delicious.

This is how myths about eating disorders are perpetuated

By work like this, from a psychologist at the University of Missouri.

If you've got a minute, hop over to the site, read the story, and leave a comment. I don't waste my time arguing with people online, but maybe Bardone-Cone can learn something from a different perspective.

Finally, some good news about fat

This blog post from Tara Parker-Pope discusses a study on the kinds of factors that affect how we visibly age. Make sure to look at the compelling slide show that goes along with it. It's a fascinating look at pairs of twins where one looks considerably older than the other. The study results suggest that smoking, sun exposure, depression, and weight loss all contribute to looking older.

Cool new study on anorexia

It seems clear that family-based treatment is an excellent way to go for adolescents who develop anorexia or bulimia. But what about adults? Now a new study out of University of North Carolina is looking for volunteers to test a related treatment that could help adults with eating disorders.

When a teen gets sick, parents are a crucial part of her/his recovery. This study looks at how spouses can be involved in recovery. It makes a lot of sense to me, because anorexia is anosognosic--people who have it either can't perceive that they're ill or, in the case of some adults, often can't "decide" to recover themselves. Having someone else take charge of recovery or at least be involved in it can make all the difference.

Kudos to Cindy Bulik and other UNC researchers for testing this one out. I look forward to hearing the results.

The world's funniest complaint letter

has got to be this one, written by a passenger on one of Virgin Air's India to England flights in December. Don't miss the photographs of food--that's the tangential link to the subject matter of this blog.

I haven't read anything food-related that's this funny since I read Wendy McClure's Candyboots site. If you haven't seen that, please go there right now. Don't read it while eating or at work.

Feb. 1 is Amazon Spike Day

So if you're planning to buy Feed Me! on Amazon, please do it tomorrow (the 1st). Thanks!

From the department of Gee, I wonder why

comes a gem of a press release that begins like this:

Yikes! 1 of 3 Canadian Women Battling Body Image

TORONTO, ON --- January 27, 2009 --- The mirror doesn’t lie. From muffin tops to thunder thighs, from junk in the trunk to flabby arms, Canadian women say they don’t like what they see.

Um, do you think there could be a connection here?

I get a lot of press releases like this, most of them hawking diets. Some, like this piece of work, pretend to promote positive body image even while undermining it. Note to PR flacks: My readers and I are smarter than you are. We can see the strings moving your arms and legs. And we know who benefits from garbage like this, and it isn't us. I won't name the ridiculous "expert" this press release is flogging except to say that s/he is not supporting positive body image.

Have you come across other oxymoronic examples? Send them my way.

Feed me, then review me

If you've read FEED ME!: WRITERS DISH ABOUT FOOD, EATING, BODY IMAGE, AND WEIGHT, I'd love to have you stop by Amazon and review it, so other people can see how great it is. I'm kidding about the greatness, but I would love to have a couple of reviews pop up on the Amazon site.

I appreciate it, y'all. And of course I hope you truly like the book.

Unspeakable

Eighteen-year-old Alicia Rae of Hampshire, England, was found dead in her bed by her mother yesterday. She'd been struggling with anorexia for two years and, apparently, lost the struggle. She was very nearly the same age as my daughter Kitty, who became ill with anorexia at 14 and who has been well now for three years.

It is unspeakable that Alicia Rae is dead at 18. It is unspeakable that her mother had to find her body. Unspeakable, but we have to speak about it. We have to say her name, Alicia Rae. We have to remember that anorexia kills, that in fact it has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disease, killing 20 percent of those who develop it.

We have to speak about what happens to the body and the brain when they are starved. We must talk of the unspeakable irony of a young woman like Alicia Rae, dying of malnutrition in the midst of plenty. We must speak of the hell she and her family went through, and of the churchyard where she's buried now, not far from her home, not far from the bedroom where her mother found her dead.

We must speak of these things and remember and tell them. We must do everything we can to make sure there are no more Alicia Raes. That means pushing for better treatments and spreading the word about new treatments that work. It means not hiding in the proverbial closet when eating disorders strike. It means standing up for our children and facing down the stigma of anorexia--the stigma that keeps us silent and despairing and alone.

In this season of new beginnings, we must talk of the unspeakable so that there will be hope.

And the winners are . . .

Tisa Agloro and Carrie Rigdon. Congrats!

Now, for those of you who did not win a copy but who plan to buy it on Amazon, I have a plea: Would you order it on our Amazon Spike Day, which is February 1st? That's this Sunday. No big deal if you just can't wait that long, or if you want to pick it up at your local independent bookseller (I'm all for supporting indies) or library. But if you are shopping Amazon and can wait, February 1st would be swell.

Tisa and Carrie, please email me your addresses and I'll get your books in the mail this week!

Thank you everyone! Please let me know what you think of the book. I love hearing from readers.

Win a copy of FEED ME!

UPDATE: We've got 149 entries. Woo-hoo! I'll be giving away 2 copies of the book!

Yep, I'm giving away a copy of Feed Me!: Writers Dish About Food, Eating, Weight, and Body Image, which I edited and which contains fabulous essays by writers like Caroline Leavitt, Joyce Maynard, Diana Abu-Jaber, Amity Gaige, Jenny Allen, Kate Harding, and many more. All you have to do to enter the drawing is send me your name and e-mail address before 1 p.m. on Monday, January 26. I will pick one lucky winner then.

To find out more about the book, click here and here. To read a digital galley of the intro and three essays, click here.

Good luck!

Why we need to change our attitudes

When my older daughter was ill with anorexia, she went through hell. The rest of the family did too--not the same kind of hell, surely, because after all, we could escape it for an hour or two while she could not. My younger daughter marched through hell along with us. She heard and saw anorexia with all its claws and teeth and terror, and like my husband and me, she came to loathe it.

We've talked quite a bit, she and I, in the years since, about eating disorders, about body image and weight. I've tried to model Health at Every Size for both my daughters. And yet my beautiful, lively, talented younger daughter, Lulu, is convinced that she's fat, and is upset about it.

I've tried reasoning with her: You're not fat; you're going through puberty. Your body needs a little extra flesh on it right now. And even if you were fat, so what? Fat is a descriptive word. We all have fat on our bodies.

And so on. I can practically see my words passing through her like ghosts sailing through a solid wall, making no mark and having no effect. Why should they, when we both know just how viciously society punishes those of us whose bodies are not naturally stick-thin. When the rest of the 8th-grade girls have straight hair and long, lean torsos, and my daughter has hair with a lot of wave and a naturally rounder shape.

The experiences of her sister's illness are now four years behind us. I'm glad they're fading for all of us. But I wish some of what we all saw and learned then could help my younger daughter now. I wish she could remember that there are a lot worse things than being round, that conformity comes with a terrible price, that food is nurturing and sustaining rather than the enemy.

She eats the same way she always has; you better believe I'm watching that closely. I worry, with dread in my heart, when what she thinks is going to inspire her to go on a diet for the first time, and whether she, too, will become anorexic. I worry and I watch and I wait. I wait for the day when I can say to her, "You're beautiful just the way you are," and she will believe it.

I hope I live long enough to see that day.

Change Is Good

Yes indeed.

But in the midst of such happy change, please remember to take a few deep breaths and practice loving what is. Because unlike our outgoing president, you are worthy of love and compassion, right now, as you are.

I want your ideas

Syracuse University, where I teach, has a program called Healthy Mondays. I know, I know; it's a bit silly, really, but the folks who organize Healthy Mondays mean well and may indeed do some good.

Now they're looking for ideas from faculty and students for small projects, and they're giving out small grants to help make those projects reality. I'd like to propose something about eating disorders. My first thought is to suggest a kind of "voices of eating disorders" oral history project, kind of like National Public Radio's wonderful Storycorps project.

I'd love to have your ideas. What, if anything, do you think is worth doing on a college campus?