Saturday, December 15, 2007

Against blogging

I've often wondered if blogging gets in the way of my writing, if the sometimes obsessive world of the internet mucks up the quiet place I require to be creative in. So I was very interested to read Doris Lessing's Nobel Prize acceptance speech, which got very little play here in the U.S. Lessing has always been one of my favorite writers, and this speech--like so many of the Nobel acceptance speeches--gives real food for thought.

What do you think?


A hunger for books
Doris Lessing


I am standing in a doorway looking through clouds of blowing dust to where I am told there is still uncut forest. Yesterday I drove through miles of stumps, and charred remains of fires where, in 1956, there was the most wonderful forest I have ever seen, all now destroyed. People have to eat. They have to get fuel for fires.

This is north-west Zimbabwe early in the 80s, and I am visiting a friend who was a teacher in a school in London. He is here "to help Africa", as we put it. He is a gently idealistic soul and what he found in this school shocked him into a depression, from which it was hard to recover. This school is like every other built after Independence. It consists of four large brick rooms side by side, put straight into the dust, one two three four, with a half room at one end, which is the library. In these classrooms are blackboards, but my friend keeps the chalks in his pocket, as otherwise they would be stolen. There is no atlas or globe in the school, no textbooks, no exercise books or Biros. In the library there are no books of the kind the pupils would like to read, but only tomes from American universities, hard even to lift, rejects from white libraries, detective stories, or titles like Weekend in Paris and Felicity Finds Love.

There is a goat trying to find sustenance in some aged grass. The headmaster has embezzled the school funds and is suspended. My friend doesn't have any money because everyone, pupils and teachers, borrow from him when he is paid and will probably never pay it back. The pupils range from six to 26, because some who did not get schooling as children are here to make it up. Some pupils walk many miles every morning, rain or shine and across rivers. They cannot do homework because there is no electricity in the villages, and you can't study easily by the light of a burning log. The girls have to fetch water and cook before they set off for school and when they get back.

As I sit with my friend in his room, people shyly drop in, and everyone begs for books. "Please send us books when you get back to London," one man says. "They taught us to read but we have no books." Everybody I met, everyone, begged for books.

I was there some days. The dust blew. The pumps had broken and the women were having to fetch water from the river. Another idealistic teacher from England was rather ill after seeing what this "school" was like.

On the last day they slaughtered the goat. They cut it into bits and cooked it in a great tin. This was the much anticipated end-of-term feast: boiled goat and porridge. I drove away while it was still going on, back through the charred remains and stumps of the forest.

I do not think many of the pupils of this school will get prizes.

The next day I am to give a talk at a school in North London, a very good school. It is a school for boys, with beautiful buildings and gardens. The children here have a visit from some well-known person every week: these may be fathers, relatives, even mothers of the pupils; a visit from a celebrity is not unusual for them.

As I talk to them, the school in the blowing dust of north-west Zimbabwe is in my mind, and I look at the mildly expectant English faces in front of me and try to tell them about what I have seen in the last week. Classrooms without books, without textbooks, or an atlas, or even a map pinned to a wall. A school where the teachers beg to be sent books to tell them how to teach, they being only 18 or 19 themselves. I tell these English boys how everybody begs for books: "Please send us books." But there are no images in their minds to match what I am telling them: of a school standing in dust clouds, where water is short, and where the end-of-term treat is a just-killed goat cooked in a great pot.

Is it really so impossible for these privileged students to imagine such bare poverty?

I do my best. They are polite.

I'm sure that some of them will one day win prizes.

Then the talk is over. Afterwards I ask the teachers how the library is, and if the pupils read. In this privileged school, I hear what I always hear when I go to such schools and even universities. "You know how it is," one of the teachers says. "A lot of the boys have never read at all, and the library is only half used."

Yes, indeed we do know how it is. All of us.

We are in a fragmenting culture, where our certainties of even a few decades ago are questioned and where it is common for young men and women, who have had years of education, to know nothing of the world, to have read nothing, knowing only some speciality or other, for instance, computers.

What has happened to us is an amazing invention - computers and the internet and TV. It is a revolution. This is not the first revolution the human race has dealt with. The printing revolution, which did not take place in a matter of a few decades, but took much longer, transformed our minds and ways of thinking. A foolhardy lot, we accepted it all, as we always do, never asked: "What is going to happen to us now, with this invention of print?" In the same way, we never thought to ask, "How will our lives, our way of thinking, be changed by the internet, which has seduced a whole generation with its inanities so that even quite reasonable people will confess that, once they are hooked, it is hard to cut free, and they may find a whole day has passed in blogging etc?"

Very recently, anyone even mildly educated would respect learning, education and our great store of literature. Of course we all know that when this happy state was with us, people would pretend to read, would pretend respect for learning. But it is on record that working men and women longed for books, evidenced by the founding of working-men's libraries, institutes, and the colleges of the 18th and 19th centuries. Reading, books, used to be part of a general education. Older people, talking to young ones, must understand just how much of an education reading was, because the young ones know so much less.

We all know this sad story. But we do not know the end of it. We think of the old adage, "Reading maketh a full man" - reading makes a woman and a man full of information, of history, of all kinds of knowledge.

Not long ago, a friend in Zimbabwe told me about a village where the people had not eaten for three days, but they were still talking about books and how to get them, about education.

I belong to an organisation which started out with the intention of getting books into the villages. There was a group of people who in another connection had travelled Zimbabwe at its grassroots. They told me that the villages, unlike what is reported, are full of intelligent people, teachers retired, teachers on leave, children on holidays, old people. I myself paid for a little survey to discover what people in Zimbabwe wanted to read, and found the results were the same as those of a Swedish survey I had not known about. People want to read the same kind of books that people in Europe want to read - novels of all kinds, science fiction, poetry, detective stories, plays, and do-it-yourself books, like how to open a bank account. All of Shakespeare too. A problem with finding books for villagers is that they don't know what is available, so a set book, like The Mayor of Casterbridge, becomes popular simply because it just happens to be there. Animal Farm, for obvious reasons, is the most popular of all novels.

Our organisation was helped from the very start by Norway, and then by Sweden. Without this kind of support our supplies of books would have dried up. We got books from wherever we could. Remember, a good paperback from England costs a month's wages in Zimbabwe: that was before Mugabe's reign of terror. Now, with inflation, it would cost several years' wages. But having taken a box of books out to a village - and remember there is a terrible shortage of petrol - I can tell you that the box was greeted with tears. The library may be a plank on bricks under a tree. And within a week there will be literacy classes - people who can read teaching those who can't, citizenship classes - and in one remote village, since there were no novels written in the Tonga language, a couple of lads sat down to write novels in Tonga. There are six or so main languages in Zimbabwe and there are novels in all of them: violent, incestuous, full of crime and murder.

It is said that a people gets the government it deserves, but I do not think it is true of Zimbabwe. And we must remember that this respect and hunger for books comes, not from Mugabe's regime, but from the one before it, the whites. It is an astonishing phenomenon, this hunger for books, and it can be seen everywhere from Kenya down to the Cape of Good Hope.

This links up improbably with a fact: I was brought up in what was virtually a mud hut, thatched. This kind of house has been built always, everywhere where there are reeds or grass, suitable mud, poles for walls - Saxon England, for example. The one I was brought up in had four rooms, one beside another, and it was full of books. Not only did my parents take books from England to Africa, but my mother ordered books by post from England for her children. Books arrived in great brown paper parcels, and they were the joy of my young life. A mud hut, but full of books.

Even today I get letters from people living in a village that might not have electricity or running water, just like our family in our elongated mud hut. "I shall be a writer too," they say, "because I've the same kind of house you were in."

But here is the difficulty. Writing, writers, do not come out of houses without books.

I have been looking at the speeches by some of the recent Nobel prizewinners. Take last year's winner, the magnificent Orhan Pamuk. He said his father had 500 books. His talent did not come out of the air, he was connected with the great tradition. Take VS Naipaul. He mentions that the Indian Vedas were close behind the memory of his family. His father encouraged him to write, and when he got to England he would visit the British Library. So he was close to the great tradition. Let us take John Coetzee. He was not only close to the great tradition, he was the tradition: he taught literature in Cape Town. And how sorry I am that I was never in one of his classes; taught by that wonderfully brave, bold mind. In order to write, in order to make literature, there must be a close connection with libraries, books, the tradition.

I have a friend from Zimbabwe, a black writer. He taught himself to read from the labels on jam jars, the labels on preserved fruit cans. He was brought up in an area I have driven through, an area for rural blacks. The earth is grit and gravel, there are low sparse bushes. The huts are poor, nothing like the well-cared-for huts of the better off. There was a school, but like the one I have described. He found a discarded children's encyclopaedia on a rubbish heap and taught himself from that.

On Independence in 1980 there was a group of good writers in Zimbabwe, truly a nest of singing birds. They were bred in old Southern Rhodesia, under the whites - the mission schools, the better schools. Writers are not made in Zimbabwe, not easily, not under Mugabe.

All the writers travelled a difficult road to literacy, let alone to becoming writers. I would say learning to read from the printed labels on jam jars and discarded encyclopaedias was not uncommon. And we are talking about people hungering for standards of education beyond them, living in huts with many children - an overworked mother, a fight for food and clothing.

Yet despite these difficulties, writers came into being. And we should also remember that this was Zimbabwe, conquered less than 100 years before. The grandparents of these people might have been storytellers working in the oral tradition. In one or two generations, the transition was made from these stories remembered and passed on, to print, to books.

Books were literally wrested from rubbish heaps and the detritus of the white man's world. But a sheaf of paper is one thing, a published book quite another. I have had several accounts sent to me of the publishing scene in Africa. Even in more privileged places like North Africa, to talk of a publishing scene is a dream of possibilities.

Here I am talking about books never written, writers who could not make it because the publishers are not there. Voices unheard. It is not possible to estimate this great waste of talent, of potential. But even before that stage of a book's creation which demands a publisher, an advance, encouragement, there is something else lacking.

Writers are often asked: "How do you write? With a word processor? an electric typewriter? a quill? longhand?" But the essential question is: "Have you found a space, that empty space, which should surround you when you write? Into that space, which is like a form of listening, of attention, will come the words, the words your characters will speak, ideas - inspiration." If a writer cannot find this space, then poems and stories may be stillborn. When writers talk to each other, what they discuss is always to do with this imaginative space, this other time. "Have you found it? Are you holding it fast?"

Let us now jump to an apparently very different scene. We are in London, one of the big cities. There is a new writer. We cynically enquire: "Is she good-looking?" If this is a man: "Charismatic? Handsome?" We joke, but it is not a joke.

This new find is acclaimed, possibly given a lot of money. The buzzing of hype begins in their poor ears. They are feted, lauded, whisked about the world. Us old ones, who have seen it all, are sorry for this neophyte, who has no idea of what is really happening. He, she, is flattered, pleased. But ask in a year's time what he or she is thinking: "This is the worst thing that could have happened to me."

Some much-publicised new writers haven't written again, or haven't written what they wanted to, meant to. And we, the old ones, want to whisper into those innocent ears: "Have you still got your space? Your soul, your own and necessary place where your own voices may speak to you, you alone, where you may dream. Oh, hold on to it, don't let it go."

My mind is full of splendid memories of Africa that I can revive and look at whenever I want. How about those sunsets, gold and purple and orange, spreading across the sky at evening? How about butterflies and moths and bees on the aromatic bushes of the Kalahari? Or, sitting on the pale grassy banks of the Zambesi, the water dark and glossy, with all the birds of Africa darting about? Yes, elephants, giraffes, lions and the rest, there were plenty of those, but how about the sky at night, still unpolluted, black and wonderful, full of restless stars?

There are other memories too. A young African man, 18 perhaps, in tears, standing in what he hopes will be his "library". A visiting American, seeing that his library had no books, had sent a crate of them. The young man had taken each one out, reverently, and wrapped them in plastic. "But," we say, "these books were sent to be read, surely?" "No," he replies, "they will get dirty, and where will I get any more?"

I have seen a teacher in a school where there were no textbooks, not even a chalk for the blackboard. He taught his class of six- to 18-year-olds by moving stones in the dust, chanting: "Two times two is ... " and so on. I have seen a girl - perhaps not more than 20, also lacking textbooks, exercise books, biros - teach the ABC by scratching the letters in the dirt with a stick, while the sun beat down and the dust swirled.

I would like you to imagine yourselves somewhere in Southern Africa, standing in an Indian store, in a poor area, in a time of bad drought. There is a line of people, mostly women, with every kind of container for water. This store gets a bowser of precious water every afternoon from the town, and here the people wait.

The Indian is standing with the heels of his hands pressed down on the counter, and he is watching a black woman, who is bending over a wadge of paper that looks as if it has been torn out of a book. She is reading Anna Karenina. She is reading slowly, mouthing the words. It looks a difficult book. This is a young woman with two little children clutching at her legs. She is pregnant. The Indian is distressed, because the young woman's headscarf, which should be white, is yellow with dust. Dust lies between her breasts and on her arms. This man is distressed because of the lines of people, all thirsty, but he doesn't have enough water for them. He is angry because he knows there are people dying out there, beyond the dust clouds.

This man is curious. He says to the young woman: "What are you reading?"

"It is about Russia," says the girl.

"Do you know where Russia is?" He hardly knows himself.

The young woman looks straight at him, full of dignity, though her eyes are red from dust. "I was best in the class. My teacher said I was best."

The young woman resumes her reading: she wants to get to the end of the paragraph.

The Indian looks at the two little children and reaches for some Fanta, but the mother says: "Fanta makes them thirsty."

The Indian knows he shouldn't do this, but he reaches down to a great plastic container beside him, behind the counter, and pours out two plastic mugs of water, which he hands to the children. He watches while the girl looks at her children drinking, her mouth moving. He gives her a mug of water. It hurts him to see her drinking it, so painfully thirsty is she.

Now she hands over to him a plastic water container, which he fills. The young woman and the children watch him closely so that he doesn't spill any.

She is bending again over the book. She reads slowly but the paragraph fascinates her and she reads it again.

"Varenka, with her white kerchief over her black hair, surrounded by the children and gaily and good-humouredly busy with them, and at the same time visibly excited at the possibility of an offer of marriage from a man she cared for, Varenka looked very attractive. Koznyshev walked by her side and kept casting admiring glances at her. Looking at her, he recalled all the delightful things he had heard from her lips, all the good he knew about her, and became more and more conscious that the feeling he had for her was something rare, something he had felt but once before, long, long ago, in his early youth. The joy of being near her increased step by step, and at last reached such a point that, as he put a huge birch mushroom with a slender stalk and up-curling top into her basket, he looked into her eyes and, noting the flush of glad and frightened agitation that suffused her face, he was confused himself, and in silence gave her a smile that said too much."

This lump of print is lying on the counter, together with some old copies of magazines, some pages of newspapers, girls in bikinis.

It is time for her to leave the haven of the Indian store, and set off back along the four miles to her village. Outside, the lines of waiting women clamour and complain. But still the Indian lingers. He knows what it will cost this girl, going back home with the two clinging children. He would give her the piece of prose that so fascinates her, but he cannot really believe this splinter of a girl with her great belly can really understand it.

Why is perhaps a third of Anna Karenina stuck here on this counter in a remote Indian store? It is like this.

A certain high official, United Nations, as it happens, bought a copy of this novel in the bookshop when he set out on his journeys to cross several oceans and seas. On the plane, settled in his business-class seat, he tore the book into three parts. He looked around at his fellow passengers as he did this, knowing he would see looks of shock, curiosity, but some of amusement. When he was settled, his seatbelt tight, he said aloud to whomever could hear: "I always do this when I've a long trip. You don't want to have to hold up some heavy great book." The novel was a paperback, but, true, it is a long book. This man was used to people listening when he spoke. When people looked his way, curiously or not, he confided in them. "No, it is really the only way to travel."

When he reached the end of a section of the book, he called the airhostess, and sent it back to his secretary, who was travelling in the cheaper seats. This caused much interest, condemnation, certainly curiosity, every time a section of the great Russian novel arrived, mutilated, but readable, in the back part of the plane.

Meanwhile, down in the Indian store, the young woman is holding on to the counter, her little children clinging to her skirts. She wears jeans, since she is a modern woman, but over them she has put on the heavy woollen skirt, part of traditional garb of her people: her children can easily cling on to it, the thick folds.

She sends a thankful look at the Indian, who she knows likes her and is sorry for her, and she steps out into the blowing clouds. The children have gone past crying, and their throats are full of dust anyway.

This is hard, oh yes, it is hard, this stepping, one foot after another, through the dust that lays in soft deceiving mounds under her feet. Hard, hard - but she is used to hardship, is she not? Her mind is on the story she has been reading. She is thinking: "She is just like me, in her white headscarf, and she is looking after children, too. I could be her, that Russian girl. And the man there, he loves her and will ask her to marry him. (She has not finished more than that one paragraph). Yes, and a man will come for me, and take me away from all this, take me and the children, yes, he will love me and look after me."

She thinks. My teacher said there was a library there, bigger than the supermarket, a big building, and it is full of books. The young woman is smiling as she moves on, the dust blowing in her face. I am clever, she thinks. Teacher said I am clever. The cleverest in the school. My children will be clever, like me. I will take them to the library, the place full of books, and they will go to school, and they will be teachers - my teacher told me I could be a teacher. They will live far from here, earning money. They will live near the big library and enjoy a good life.

You may ask how that piece of the Russian novel ever ended up on that counter in the Indian store?

It would make a pretty story. Perhaps someone will tell it.

On goes that poor girl, held upright by thoughts of the water she would give her children once home, and drink a little herself. On she goes, through the dreaded dusts of an African drought.

We are a jaded lot, we in our world - our threatened world. We are good for irony and even cynicism. Some words and ideas we hardly use, so worn out have they become. But we may want to restore some words that have lost their potency.

We have a treasure-house of literature, going back to the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans. It is all there, this wealth of literature, to be discovered again and again by whoever is lucky enough to come up on it. Suppose it did not exist. How impoverished, how empty we would be.

We have a bequest of stories, tales from the old storytellers, some of whose names we know, but some not. The storytellers go back and back, to a clearing in the forest where a great fire burns, and the old shamans dance and sing, for our heritage of stories began in fire, magic, the spirit world. And that is where it is held, today.

Ask any modern storyteller and they will say there is always a moment when they are touched with fire, with what we like to call inspiration, and this goes back and back to the beginning of our race, to fire and ice and the great winds that shaped us and our world.

The storyteller is deep inside everyone of us. The story-maker is always with us. Let us suppose our world is attacked by war, by the horrors that we all of us easily imagine. Let us suppose floods wash through our cities, the seas rise . . . but the storyteller will be there, for it is our imaginations which shape us, keep us, create us - for good and for ill. It is our stories that will recreate us, when we are torn, hurt, even destroyed. It is the storyteller, the dream-maker, the myth-maker, that is our phoenix, that represents us at our best, and at our most creative.

That poor girl trudging through the dust, dreaming of an education for her children, do we think that we are better than she is - we, stuffed full of food, our cupboards full of clothes, stifling in our superfluities?

I think it is that girl and the women who were talking about books and an education when they had not eaten for three days, that may yet define us.

10 comments:

Kat said...

I've always been a voracious reader. In the past, I read everything...poetry, literature, popular novels & all kinds of fiction. I also read lots of text books as I pursued my Bachelor's in Communications & my Master's in Social Work.

It was after reading "Love in the Western World" that I lost a lot of interest in reading fiction. I still read fiction but prefer non-fiction. I simply take great pleasure in learning new things. Most of my reading & learning still comes from reading books. There is nothing like holding, feeling & smelling a book. As long as I am mentally able, I will hold, feel, smell and read my books. My house is & always will be full of books.

Neither of my parents finished high school. I was surrounded by incorrect grammar. I went to public schools. I was molested as a child. I was fat & socially ostracised as a child. My mother was mentaly ill. My father killed himself when I was 20. I've had my own great struggles with mental illness.

I had many disadvantages. But somehow, amidst her insanity, my mom knew the value of books. We had tons of books in our house growing up. All kinds of books. We walked to the library in summer & checked out more books. Books changed my life. Books opened up my very small world.

I was only the second person in my family to ever go to college(and I have a huge family....my mom was one of 12 & my dad one of 9 kids). Because of the disadvantages I had, I will forever struggle with grammar, sentence structure, & punctuation. I make every effort to get it right, but if I come anywhere close to getting writing right, it is due to my lifelong love of reading books and nothing else.

What is a writer? I think of a writer as a person who has something to say & says it well with the written word. What is a real writer? I suppose a real writer is someone who has credentials.

Is blogging real writing? According to my personal definition it could only be real writing if credentialed persons did all the writing.

Is blogging writing? Yep. I think so. And I believe blogging makes it possible for "everyman" to express his or her unique take on things. We all have life credentials. We all experience the world through our unique set of eyes.

Blogging makes it possible to write & publish immediately. Most people aren't going to have the privilege of getting published on the bound page. Not everybody wants to. What most people do want to do is express themselves & share their take on things. Does this have value? Yes.

Credentialed folks are not the only ones who have anything of value to say. I appreciate the fine bound & printed writing of trained professionals. I also appreciate the fine writing of everyman...in blogs.

Reading blogs will never take the place of books in my world, but they have added a whole new exciting & interesting facet.

I don't think blogging is going to destroy the world or melt the brains of our young. It is simply another facet.

Kat@BFBK

vesta44 said...

I've always been a reader and I collect books like mad (I gave my collection of books to my son who is also an avid reader)and have started on another collection. I had a friend who told me that if it wasn't a how-to book, it wasn't worth reading. That novels, fiction, science fiction and fantasy had nothing to teach anyone. But I've learned from everything I've ever read, whether it's a turn of phrase, an idea I had never before considered, or a new way to relate to people. Every book ever written has the writer's ideas, their sense of purpose, in it, and those are all worthwhile things to know. My 14 year old grandson asked me the other day what I would miss most in life, and I told him it would be my vision, because then I wouldn't be able to read anymore, I would have to rely on audio books. For me, that is just not the same as holding a book, reading that book, and letting it take me into another world and experience. Books are a wondrous escape from a sometimes harsh reality, and I would miss them sorely if we had no writers.

Melis said...

I don't see this as in any way against blogging. It's pro book, it makes me appreciate that I grew up with as many books as I could read and I have one of the best bookstores in the world a few blocks from my house. It's a great piece of writing. I read it in a blog! This is not anti-blog in the least.

I read both books and blogs, and I frequently use blogs to select which book to read. If I stopped reading blogs I would not magically become a writer and people in Africa would not magically have books. In fact, if I were to get books out to Africa I'd probably use a blog to raise money.

I'm not a "writer" blogger, I'm a painter and I mostly blog in a visual way. I may choose to do some serious writing in the future and I don't think blogging would get in the way of that.

Kat said...

Hi Vesta,

I still read ficton. A good fiction will keep me up all night! I allow myself that pleasure sometimes. A non-fiction never keeps me up all night. Non-fiction just feeds my appetite for learning more about specific things.

I love & value all books but I tend to be drawn mostly to non-fiction these days.

Reading "Love in the Western World" just ruined me for most romance novels...dang it!

isabel said...

Okay this has nothing to do with your post (which, the speech is incredible though I also don't really find it to be against blogging so much as pro-reading) but: I just found this blog from kateharding.net and clicked over to your NYTimes article and recognized from your daughter's name that you were the author of the NYTimes Magazine article about your daughter's anorexia.

I read that article on a plane ride from New York to Boston and I cried and cried and cried the entire way. I had to keep putting down the magazine because my eyes were getting too blurry. It was amazing. I love the NYTimes Magazine in general but this article might be my favorite thing I've ever read in it. Thank you for your amazing words (so amazing my own ability with words sort of falls apart when I try to express this). Will definitely become a regular reader of the blog.

Harriet said...

Yay books! That's pretty much what I have to say about that. Of course as a book author I always hope people will buy mine. :-)

Isabel, thank you so so much for your comment. My daughter and I wrestled with whether I should write the piece. And I took some heat for it, from people who accused me of using my daughter's illness to further my own career--something I gave a lot of thought to myself. In the end I decided to go forward, with my daughter's blessing, to help other families. And I truly hope it has.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I set out to write a piece that would people feel something about this, especially people who (like us before it happened to our family) knew nothing about anorexia or eating disorders. When I hear from people like you I feel it was worth it.

marcella said...

FIGHT EVIL, READ BOOKS!
which, for those who don't spend QUITE as much time as my daughter reading one particular type of book is the motto of an Internet movement dedicated to the Harry Potter books - it may not be the best literature, but it is certainly a great motto.

mary said...

As another book junkie my thoughts on blogging is that it's been a bit of a godsend for many people who've been able to connect...with others and with themselves. It's how I now know of you.
Why anyone would criticize another person for expressing themselves in hopes of making a difference for others may be a case of envy or jealousy. I'm not sure, but having been criticized myself and even being told outright by someone that she hated my writing style, made me stop and think. Was I going to stop dead in my tracks, wounded, or move forward trusting that my "crappy writing style" was going to perhaps help someone? I chose to keep going. Fortunately I have many friends who aren't correcting my grammar or reading what I write as a critique.
What I do know is that my daughter recovered with hard work and a willingness to face whatever obstacles she had to for her own freedom and health. Nourishment gave her the ability to think clear enough to get there. I believe we may have used a wee bit of "magical thinking" as well. Her story, your daughter's, Marcella, all of us have valuable messages. It requires giving and taking....speaking out and listening back.
There will be road blocks for all of us. We don't need an ED to have problems or enemies.
Keep sharing your story Harriet. Your daughter's recovery is valuable proof that for those with an anorexia may start from all sorts of beginnings BUT it's driven forth by a very real starvation that fuels it further. Food is the medicine that's essential to the healing of the brain. It seems that medicine would be the first to recognize this but in many ways it's only beginning to catch up.
I've learned that discrimination comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes and it may be one of the most separating forces we tolerate in this world. We can't fight or force our way into connecting. We must begin by loving them anyway...even if they think we are fat...messy...or less than them. We have to love and respect ourselves enough to not care when others pass judgment, unless we know we are being cruel. It's a hard truth about the world. We can't fix others nor do we ever need to defend ourselves. What we can do is to continue forward and love those who want us to hate them. It's a hard path at times but I say keep writing, reading, and never mind the bottom dollar. It won't matter nearly as much as who you've touched and that you've actually helped another living soul. BTW, my salary has been nada, nothing, zip and yet I'm learning my value lies not in what I give for money, but in what I can give for free. Course, I'd love to write my book!
Please keep blogging Harriet and please share more of your story. For me it's more valuable than statistics or research but then that's my opinion. I love knowing how folks are doing.

Anonymous said...

I love Doris Lessing, but I think she's missing a crucial point.

Those boys in the British school--they read, all right. They have to. *For school.*

Whereas the book-starved people in Zimbabwe have no books *at all.*

So it's not a simple mirror situation (poor Zimbabweans want to read, rich British kids refuse to).

The British schoolboys do read their textbooks and such. That they don't choose to read *for pleasure* is maybe unfortunate, but I don't think it's tragic. They *are* reading.

The fact that they are not *learning anything* from what they are reading (or hearing) is an entirely separate problem. It's not due to technology. It's due to wrong values at home (they're being told that their education is for status and success--a means to an end rather than an end in itself) and crappy teaching at school.

Plus, the internet is a total text medium. You log on to read and write.

Harriet said...

I dunno, Marcella, I think the Harry Potter books are pretty great.

Mary, you're right to say that blogging opens the door to people who wouldn't have the chance to reach out otherwise. I think it's just important to remember that writing and blogging are two different media, that's all. I do both, and sometimes they feed each other, and sometimes they detract from each other, just because I have limited time. But that's true no matter what you do!

anon, you're so right--we do log on to read and write. And I'm always astounded at the level of thoughtfulness in my readers' comments. For the most part they're not just, as a friend of mine would put it, "puking up some bs." Um, yeah.